One of your aristocratic centaurs
My friend Stephen and I like to invent centaur jokes. In the broad scheme of things, one would think that this were quite an innocent pastime. One would think wrong! When our quipping caught the attention of the Merseyside Centaur Community Association, we found ourselves in deep manure . Such was their consternation at the thought of two gangly ageing youths making light of their proud homo-equinicus heritage, that they stampeded and hoofed us into tiny bits. We died, of course. Without wishing to add insult to injury, here are some of our best centaur jokes:
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Q. Did you hear about the halfman-halfhorse rower who powered his boat using the power of smell?
A. Yes, it was a scent-oar.
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Q. Did you hear about the Nobel prize-winning Indian economist who went on holiday riding a beast that was halfman-halfhorse?
A. Yes, it was the Amartya Sen-Tour
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Q. Did you about the halfman-halfhorse who was a mailman by day and an Elvis impersonator by night?
A. Yes, I particularly enjoyed his rendition of ‘Return to Centaur’
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Q. How are baby halfman-halfhorses nourished in the womb?
A. Via the pla-centaur.
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Q. Did you hear about the irate ostler who threatened to murder a shopkeeper who would not comply with his request for some paint with which to change the colour of his halfman-halfhorse’s coat?
A. Yes, the ostler reputedly said ‘Assent or die’ (a centaur dye) in a threatening manner.
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Q. To which leisure complex did the halfman-halfhorse take his family on holiday?
A. Centaur Parcs.
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Q. Which late 1980s Manchester nightspot catered exclusively for halfman-halfhorses?
A. The Hacientaur
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Q. Did you hear about the murderous halfmanhalfhorse that carries a shell around on its back?
A. Yes, it’s the assassin-tortoise (assa-centaur-toise)!
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Tags: centaur, Center Parcs, Elvis Impersonators, horse, Indian Economists, joke, pun, Zara Phillips
September 24, 2010 at 12:37 pm |
One thing centaurs have going for them is that they have the best of both worlds: opposable thumbs and massive genitalia. Sadly I have massive thumbs and opposable genitalia.
September 24, 2010 at 1:14 pm |
Haw! Opposable genitalia is good when you want to get a dialectic going in the downstairs region.
October 7, 2010 at 12:14 am |
I have double jointed genitalia. In that it has been cut off twice and joined back on again.
This, for what it is worth (very little) is the Best Post Ever. I particularly liked the Assent or Die one. The more more laboured the more I laugh
October 8, 2010 at 6:25 pm |
They do call you Old Segment Pants down at the Mah-Jong club, it’s true.
Glad you like the Centaur Puns Ropey. I suspect the increased quality was due to the input of the mysterious punning rambler, Stephen.
August 25, 2011 at 11:02 pm |
[...] you like to groan loudly I would avoid this link. Rate this: Like this:LikeBe the first to like this [...]
September 2, 2011 at 3:11 pm |
Excellent pingback from a Centaur site, JLB, you know you’ve hit the nail on the head when you’ve turned the ear of serious centaur-ians
September 18, 2011 at 9:28 am |
Yeah, but what’s all that ‘groan’ business about? These puns are comedy gold. For your information, Centaurica, our wordplay is popular with a very high percentaurge of the halfhumanhalfhorse community.
October 5, 2011 at 9:51 pm |
Maybe they didn’t get it? Explain that they were puns.
October 27, 2011 at 9:29 am |
OI CENTAURICA. I DONE A PUN, DIG?