Posts Tagged ‘Musical Fruit’

Death by Spenserian Fruit Enchanter

July 1, 2010

Colin Cloute: Mr January in Cosmopolitan magazine's 2009 'Shepherds' Calendar

Here’s a stanza about how I ran into Colin Cloute, the alter-ego of the Elizabethan poet,  Edmund Spenser, and he caused my face to fly off, fatally, by using his ability to produce musical sounds out of fruit on a Braeburn apple stain on my face. That’s right: I too am a victim of the musical fruit decapitation epidemic that is currently gripping ‘Cameron’s Croakin’ Country’ (note to self: must find better catchphrase to replace ‘Brown’s Broken Britain’) . Here is the stanza:

John Le Baptiste was pricking on the plain,

Yclad in loafers and chunky knitwear

His face all y-spreckled with Braeburn stain

Which madeth the plain-folk to tut and stare.

Colin Cloute at this time did tune a pear,

For he could produce songs from any fruit,

He saw the Braeburn stain John’s face did bear

And eke he made it whistle like a flute:

Alas, off came John’s face with a rooty toot toot.